Monday, September 9, 2013

Restless Moments

As my kid looked a little forward to another school year I couldn't help but let the nerves set in.  This year he is starting middle school and I can hardly believe it.  The years since he was first placed in my arms have flown by and I can't seem to cope with him getting older. 

Pretty soon he will be dating, attending high school for the first time as well as college and most importantly working.  He is a smart boy and honest to boot.  He is not afraid to speak his mind, although sometimes it may not be nice, but he is definitely out right, no holds barred and I love it.

Growing up for me was a bit difficult since I was always quiet, afraid of conflict and most of all deathly afraid of bullies. I focused more on my studies and reading was always my escape route.  I can dive into a book and lose myself in it entirely.  I had friends and wonderful older sisters who stood up for me, but it always bothered me that I couldn't do it for myself.  To date I still let others say and do things, and allow them to get away with it, to an extent of course.  Once you've pushed me too far you will see my wrath and believe it or not I can get ugly.

My top two defense mode mechanisms to really get me going is anyone taking advantage of my kid or being talked down to.  Every offense is counted and once you've reached your third strike then I am officially done.  I try to see all things optimistically, I take into account that you may be having a bad day or worse home life but if you are adult enough to know things aren't going well, than you can also be smart enough to know not to let that spew onto others.

I got a little ahead of myself here, this story was about my son attending middle school for the first time and my having anxiety issues over it.  At the end he had a good day, but this is the start of the school year and all is always good in the beginning.  I can only hope he can continue to defend himself and always keep the communication lines open as far as we're concerned.  The years are creeping up on me and I am missing that innocent little angel that turned my life around, but I am also looking forward to what lies ahead.  

I may have had a restless, no sleep at all night last night but I intend to have a better one today as I now know he can hold his own if ever in a tough situation.