Pattern of Pain-Withholding

Pattern of Pain

The most common form of withholding is what we commonly call "the silent treatment," but withholding encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings. It also includes an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding. 

No one deserves to be subjected to withholding. Feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, and to not know why, is a terrible feeling. The first thing to remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space. Take some time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern. 

If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking. Give praise to someone you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become. What was learned over a course of a life cannot be changed overnight—remember, one day at a time. 

Courtesy of: Daily OM 

Holiday Cheer

As Christmas day draws near I can't help but reflect on the past year and both frown and smile upon it.  This past year I have learned the importance of family, staying connected with friends and letting new friends into your life.  I can honestly say this year has been eventful and challenging, but overall fantastic.

I specifically enjoy this time of year because the joys, lights and happiness of the season takes over at every turn.  Houses are decorated, shopping centers are booming with Christmas songs and people just smile a lot easily.  As a parent I tend to make the house cheery, cook a lot of delicious treats and watch Christmas movies throughout the season.  Some of the favorites being the holiday cartoons and "A Christmas Story." 

The tree is nicely decorated, stockings hung up on the fireplace and as the day draws near the anticipation of opening our presents and taking pictures together gets a bit overwhelming but also exciting.  Being with family this time of the year is rewarding in every way. 

I know there are some families who will be having a difficult time this holiday as they have lost a loved one, and to them I give my heartfelt sympathy.  Our prayers will continue to be with you and we will also share in your grief.  May you be blessed with healing and may you always remember they will never be too far from your hearts.

Merry Christmas to you all, may you always remember the true reason for it and may blessings follow you through every step of the way. 

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
~ Groucho Marx

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Miracles do Happen

 Today, 12/12/12, marked a very tragic start for my two nieces who were victims to a major car accident in Atlanta, Georgia while their car was disabled on the side of a very busy freeway with hazard lights blinking.  They never expected to be rear ended by not only one car, but another simultaneously, and now one lies in critical condition while the other was released and sent home with a mild concussion and possible whip lash.

Thankfully they were rushed to the hospital and they were able to stop the internal bleeding.  What the family is concerned with now is the major rehabilitation process that awaits one since they had to not only repair her pelvis but also her bladder. Doctors are very optimistic and say she may bounce back and function normally thereafter, as she came through the surgeries well and is very responsive to stimulation.

Being the holiday season we can pretty much guess it won't be a joyous one for us all, but we still have to make the best of it and ensure her daughter has a wonderful Christmas nevertheless.  We pray she is released from the hospital to share in the joy but also expect the possibility that she may not.  With that said I will most likely add updates here and there as I normally do not write about personal circumstances, but this just needed to be shared cause it not only helps me cope with it all positively but raises awareness.

You never know when someone you love will be faced with danger, victimized or worse death, so always keep that in mind and always tell the ones you love how much they truly mean to you, cause as you know tomorrow isn't promised....